Entrepreneur, author, and activist Rachel DesRochers joins In Her Land to share her journey of resilience, the power of community, and the inspiration behind Power to Pursue. She opens up about motherhood, grief, and her upcoming book, The Mourning Light, encouraging women to embrace authenticity and uplift one another. Tune in for an inspiring conversation on purpose, connection, and self-discovery.
00:03
Carrie Aguilar
Welcome to In Her Land, the podcast where women's stories take center stage. I'm Carrie.
00:09
Mara Kamat
And I'm Mara. And we're here to jump into the journeys, triumphs, and inspirations of incredible women shaping the land. But first, let's set the vibe with our three rules.
00:23
Carrie Aguilar
Number one, no elevator pitches. We want the real you, not the rehearsed version. Number two, authenticity only. Bring your true, unfiltered self. And lastly, no assholes allowed. This space is all about empowerment and respect.
00:41
Mara Kamat
Each episode promises raw, inspiring, and sometimes laugh out loud conversations that celebrate the beauty of being unapologetically yourself. So get cozy, stay curious, and let's explore In Her Land.
01:01
Carrie Aguilar
Welcome back to In Her Land. This week we have Rachel DesRochers. We're so excited to have you.
01:05
Rachel DesRochers
I'm so excited to be here.
01:08
Mara Kamat
Rachel, we always start our show by getting to know each person's story, so we're really excited to share your story with the world. We all have a beautiful story, you included, one shaped by both triumphs and challenges. You're an entrepreneur, author, and what I would call truly a women's activist. But you're also a mother, a daughter, and a divorcee. Each of these roles has likely shaped your path. Can you share a little bit of what led you to entrepreneurship and a little bit about your story to our listeners and audience?
01:45
Rachel DesRochers
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you both so much for having me. I am all of those things. And being called an activist is such a. Like, I'm like, whoo. I just believe and love women so much. I've been leading women groups literally for two decades. It's always been a calling underlined in all of the work. So I say that I'm a serial entrepreneur, and I think I found serial entrepreneur through my corporate job when I did marketing for a national grocer and we had a buyout and the boss was kind of like, this lady wants your job. And I was like, well, you know, like, I. Okay. Like, how do you respond to that? So I took the package and got out, and that was literally one of the best things.
02:31
Carrie Aguilar
How long ago was that? Just.
02:32
Rachel DesRochers
I got let go. Rosie was born in 09, so I think I got my Lyco in 08.
02:39
Carrie Aguilar
Oh, wow.
02:40
Rachel DesRochers
Had Rosie in 09. And I have three kids, and Rosie is my only daughter. When she was born, this idea that, like, I could tell her the world is her oyster and, like, anything's possible. And then that reflection of, like, what am I doing to walk that same talk. And I Didn't. My mother was incredible. And I know we'll talk about her later, but I grew up hearing that. I wish I could have, I should have. Why didn't I? And I didn't want to pass that. And so in 2010, she was born in November of 09. And in April 2010, I launched grateful Grahams. I literally strapped her to my back and set out to. We made graham crackers and we sold them across the country.
03:22
Rachel DesRochers
And I always said that were a gratitude company to make a cookie, not a cookiecompany that talks about gratitude. And so I've just been building stuff sinceI have a nonprofit, the Incubator Kitchen Collective. We have helped over 250food startups in Newport, Kentucky. I'm based in Cincinnati. And then there'sthis Rachel Bucket, which I do lots of cool, fun projects. I have written abook that's coming out. I talk a lot. I work on some projects. Queen City, GameChangers, America's River Roots. There's more, I'm sure under that. There's aproject called Good and Local. It's back in the food space and we're buildingout the region's largest wholesale food show. But my love and this connectionwhich the story will unfold, which is Power to Pursue. And I launched Power toPursue in the fall of 21.
04:12
Rachel DesRochers
And it's a women's empowerment movement whose job is to create a safe space forwomen to be seen, heard and loved in. And we do lots of programming under that.But I just was so sick and tired of the rooms that we had access to. From aprogramming standpoint, we're always deflecting our value and our worth. Right?Like, look this way, have this degree, buy this course. Oh, you're not inmarketing. Oh, you're not a mom. Like, it doesn't matter all of these titles.I. So yeah, I love that.
04:41
Carrie Aguilar
That's amazing.
04:42
Rachel DesRochers
All of that makes up the Gratitude Collective. So there's lots of stuff.
04:45
Mara Kamat
I love that. You know, I, I often talk about being a multi dimensional humanand like, you are a great representation of that. And I hope our, you know, ourlisteners will that throughout your stories today and sharing your experiences.But, you know, all of that is a lot, right? So you are doing so much and so,and with that, like, entrepreneurship has a lot of uncertainty and risk. Whatwere some of those bigger challenges that you faced early on and how did youovercome them?
05:16
Rachel DesRochers
Wanting to be somewhere I wasn't.
05:18
Carrie Aguilar
So you mean that.
05:20
Rachel DesRochers
Constantly thinking about where I should be versus, like being rooted in thePresent of, like, what I have access to, meeting myself, where I'm at with thetools that I have, and I think the willingness to ask for what I don't know. Ithink, you know, there's this big pressure in entrepreneurship, but in theworld that we have to know it all. Right. I talk with. Especially with womenabout that a lot. And then because we think we have to know it all, we don'task for help.
05:49
Carrie Aguilar
We were just talking about this last night.
05:51
Rachel DesRochers
And I love asking for help. It's like a love language.
05:55
Mara Kamat
I mean, Mara, it's a superpower, too, that you have.
05:58
Rachel DesRochers
And I think the more that we normalize it and we. So I talk about it a lotbecause I think that's the only way we normalize the realness of being able toask. Because what I know in asking is the people I ask get super excited.
06:16
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
06:17
Rachel DesRochers
Because they know something I don't. And I get the same excitement when someonecomes to me.
06:23
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
06:24
Rachel DesRochers
And so.
06:25
Carrie Aguilar
Right, Right. It's like, what if we gave more.
06:27
Rachel DesRochers
Joy to the world?
06:29
Carrie Aguilar
Sharing your light and then they're them. Sure.
06:32
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah. Like, we've. It's a street cred.
06:34
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
06:35
Rachel DesRochers
Like, and I don't know that anyone's ever been like, no.
06:38
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
06:38
Rachel DesRochers
I mean, I've had. I had a woman tell me I was going to die because I'm doingtoo much. Like, you know, and I'm like, we all are. But, like, I think losingmy mom and getting divorced, the thing. You know, I shared this with you guysyesterday. Like, my commitment is, I'm not gonna give up one more day.
06:54
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
06:55
Rachel DesRochers
And so it is busy. It is this beautiful orchestrated chaos. I am a single momof three kids who are absolutely incredible. I've burnt the cookies. I havesaid the wrong things in the rooms. I've missed appointments. Like, if you guystry to schedule anything with me outside of an email, I will not put it on mycalend. Well, now, also, really my team. Thank you, Ali and Danielle, whomanaged that part of my life. But I mean, also, I have an incredible team, andso I'm not an army of one anymore. And I'm 15 years into being an entrepreneur.And so, yeah, it's risky. I'm still working through risk and stabilization, butwe think it comes in the first year. My take on the first year is you evenseeing if you like the thing enough.
07:42
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
07:42
Rachel DesRochers
Like, stop the pressure that success has to come after year one. If that's yourgoal post, go get the job. Like, stop. Because you're just going to suffermore. And like we don't. We can suffer less.
07:57
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, I love that. So I, I would love to just take a minute to kind of rewind alittle bit and say, I've actually known Rachel since 2011. I cold called herwhen I was working at Yelp.
08:12
Rachel DesRochers
I don't remember this. And I'm like, oh gosh, I'm a hard sell.
08:16
Carrie Aguilar
No, well, I, I wasn't. She was like broke and I was not successful. But Icalled your grateful grams and you were just nice to me on the phone. I waslike this 26 year old girl who was trying to sell ads. I did it successfullyafter that, but I was not successful in our conversation. But I remember weconnected on LinkedIn and at the time I was living in Phoenix, but I justconnected with you. We connected on LinkedIn and then I followed your careerbecause you were all over LinkedIn and I was like, gosh, this woman is likesunshine in a bottle. And if I ever move back to Ohio, I am just this like, oh.Basically one of my first things I'm going to do is just find a way to like beclose to the sunshine.
08:57
Carrie Aguilar
Like that's like, that was like my mission. And then when I moved back toCleveland in 2022, I was at this space where I knew that I was almost donewith. I was at doordash, I was head of sales training enablement and I wasalmost ready to be done with corporate. And I was looking for a space where itwasn't a mentorship, it wasn't a coaching, it wasn't just, you know, there arelike, Mara says women are multi dimensional and I feel like every organizationthat's geared towards women is like very specific to something. And it wasn't,it just didn't feel genuine to me. And then I just kept looking and hearingabout power to pursue. And so yeah, so In October of 2023, I basically followedRachel to.
09:53
Carrie Aguilar
I knew that she was gonna be at Cincinnati Startup Week and I obviously knewwhat she looked like and I had a friend there and he was like, yeah, she'sgonna be there, going to be on this panel. And so I just like followed you andthen I like, and then I tapped you on the shoulder and I was like, hi, you'renever going to remember me and you're going to talk about it, but your mom hadpassed away and you're very open about your grief. And I, my dad passed awayand so I remember just saying like the work that you do Is important. Theorganization that you built is important. And, oh, by the way, I live inCleveland, and have you ever thought about bringing it to Cleveland?
10:34
Rachel DesRochers
And she planted a beautiful seed.
10:38
Carrie Aguilar
And then you were so sweet, and you were like, you know, you are. There are acouple people who have said that we should move this work elsewhere. Thank youso much. And then over the next couple months, you were just like, I'm notgonna do it, but you are. And it was like, the scariest moment of my lifebecause I'm like a.
10:57
Rachel DesRochers
You know, behind the scenes. Yeah, get her done.
11:00
Carrie Aguilar
You know, I do. I like. I do training, and I, like, know how to put on a saleskickoff. But, like, I'm not a women's movement person. I'm not. I don't know ifI would call myself.
11:09
Rachel DesRochers
You weren't.
11:10
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
11:10
Mara Kamat
We don't have to live within these definitions.
11:13
Carrie Aguilar
I know. That's so true. It's so true.
11:15
Mara Kamat
But I was like, it was. Step outside that comfort zone.
11:17
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah. It was the scariest conversation I've ever had. But anyways, so that'show you and I are connected. And so now we have power to pursue here inCleveland.
11:25
Rachel DesRochers
Power to pursue Cleveland launch in 24.
11:28
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
11:29
Rachel DesRochers
We're 25. Yeah. October, right? Like, we had our first kickoff event up here.
11:33
Carrie Aguilar
It was amazing.
11:34
Rachel DesRochers
And everyone cried.
11:35
Carrie Aguilar
It was an. I mean, it was like.
11:37
Rachel DesRochers
It was a heart moving, like, incredible.
11:39
Carrie Aguilar
My grandmother was there. She cried.
11:41
Rachel DesRochers
I cried. Watching your grandma cry, I mean, it was just.
11:44
Carrie Aguilar
She's 95, by the way. Just to give everyone a cup.
11:46
Rachel DesRochers
And she was like, thank you.
11:48
Carrie Aguilar
Thank you for, like, it was just like, filling buckets.
11:51
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
11:51
Mara Kamat
It was an amazing moment to connect with women, to hear from an incredibleentrepreneur and her story, Candace Bracken, and how she lifts up and connectsand supports other women entrepreneurs. And we just had some time to, like,support each other as women and connect on different topics.
12:14
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah. And, like, her, like, message, find your helpers. Like, that to me, Ithink about that all the time. But to your point, you were like, ask for helpand that to me, I mean, even in the space where I am, where I'm, you know, ayear and a half into my quote, unquote entrepreneurial journey, and you have ameasuring stick, like, in my mind. So I just turned 40. I literally. If youlook at my social. Yeah. Amazing. If you look at my social, like, my big goalthree years ago was, like, I was going to treat, like, all my best friends tothis, like, super bougie thing this weekend at this very fancy place. And like,I was all, you know, going to do it. I was going to buy a fancy car at BarrettJackson because I love cars.
12:56
Carrie Aguilar
And like, all of that is like, I'm not carry.
12:59
Rachel DesRochers
Plan my next trip. Yeah, well, I do not know how to be bougie.
13:03
Carrie Aguilar
Well, I'm. Anyway, needless to say, I did not do that. I did not. I had abeautiful. I had a beautiful dinner with my husband. And, you know, but like,you know, because I'm on this journey now.
13:19
Rachel DesRochers
But it was entrepreneurship in the first year is wrong. Say bougie.
13:24
Carrie Aguilar
Penelope's having Mac and cheese. Like, poor child.
13:28
Rachel DesRochers
No, I love that. And I love, you know, I think when I was thinking about how doI grow power to pursue, it's this pressure of, like, how do I go into Clevelandand do, like, I can't. Like, that's a lot of pressure to put on myself, myfamily, my companies. And that moment was such a light bulb moment that, no,what I need are the Rachel's in other communities. Right? And like, even lastnight, I. When Carrie and I had multiple phone calls over this idea, I think Icame up and like, I. Right. Like, we taught, like, we had multiple things. Andyou can't teach someone to care and to advocate. Yeah, you can teach them howto plan an event and to run a.
14:12
Carrie Aguilar
Budget, which is helpful because that's the thing.
14:14
Rachel DesRochers
But, like, you can't, like, the gathering, like, being able to, like, hold the.I'm a hold the space girl. And I also know, like, it's so, like, everyone'slike, oh, so hold the space. But, like, you can't. That's an embodiment piece.And that's important because, like, my job at Power to Pursue is just to loveevery person who walks through the door, no matter what they believe and whatcolor their skin is and what size they are and who they voted. Like, that isthe purpose is the container.
14:43
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
14:44
Mara Kamat
And especially in this world that's so chaotic right now. Right. And I would,you know, just to add one thing is power to pursue also brought Carrie and Itogether in another way. Right? Like, she was working on this initiative allabout women. And like, my life's work is to support, mentor, coach other women.
15:08
Carrie Aguilar
I literally remember Mara and I were walking and she, like, Mara keeps like afour and a half mile per hour. Like, I was like huffing it. Mara was like, noteven breaking a sweat. And then she, like, stops and she's like, I want in.Like, this is. This is totally. This is totally up my alley.
15:24
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
15:25
Carrie Aguilar
And I was like, okay.
15:26
Mara Kamat
And like, similar to you both. And you've said this. My passion is also makingthe world better for our kids, for our girls. Right. And, like, power topursue. Does teen programming in Cincinnati. And maybe over time, ours evolvesto support that because we both have young daughters.
15:44
Rachel DesRochers
Right. And that's why it started. I mean, Mara, that's such a great example of,you know, this body of work, to me is so is living and breathing. And we'rediscovering in our 30s, 40s, 50s. I mean, we had 14 to 82 year olds in our bigconference in May last year. But I go Back to that third, by the way.
16:02
Carrie Aguilar
There were like 900 women at.
16:04
Rachel DesRochers
It was so wild. Is that we're learning our worth and value or. Or we've maybeknown or we've heard it, but maybe we're actually believing it. And what if wecan start sharing that belief and value and worth with the 12 and 13 year olds,not just the 40 year olds. Right. And so, yeah, it's.
16:25
Carrie Aguilar
Or the fact that, like, they don't even know that there's a space where theyhad to keep it in. Or, like, I mean, that they had to dim their light.
16:34
Rachel DesRochers
I think this generation's gonna save the world.
16:36
Carrie Aguilar
I mean. Yeah, like, that's my. I just gave myself goosebumps. Like, that's it.
16:41
Mara Kamat
Say a prayer, right? I hope to God they do.
16:43
Carrie Aguilar
So I want to switch gears just a little bit to one of my favorite weird topics,which is grief.
16:50
Rachel DesRochers
Ugh.
16:50
Carrie Aguilar
Love it. And we. You mentioned your mom.
16:53
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
16:54
Carrie Aguilar
Rip.
16:54
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
16:55
Carrie Aguilar
So sorry.
16:55
Rachel DesRochers
Thank you. Thank you.
16:56
Carrie Aguilar
I actually have a weird question. It's not on. We hold lists, but it's not on.What's. What was your mom's favorite thing to cook?
17:03
Rachel DesRochers
Oh, my mom, love language. Was cooking. So in my whole life, I only rememberone bad meal that she made.
17:12
Carrie Aguilar
What was the bad meal?
17:13
Rachel DesRochers
It was like a chow main. And. No. And like, this was like, I was like, tinykid. My parents, we lived in a. No, they lived in the house. And her brotherswere in town. My mom was one of 14 kids, and two of the brothers were here.There might have been more. And she made this chow mein dish. And like, my dadand I still, like, talk about, like, do you remember that time mom made the badmeal?
17:39
Carrie Aguilar
The bad meal?
17:41
Rachel DesRochers
She was a home cook. So, like, I grew up on, like, the casseroles. My dad wentvegan due to a cancer diagnosis 20 plus years ago. And she adapted sobeautifully and, like, made the most delicious. Again, like, I don't Thinkanything's greater than chicken noodle soup. And, like. Right. Like, that'ssuch a mom. Like, it brings me so much joy.
18:04
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
18:05
Rachel DesRochers
To make my kids chicken noodle soup.
18:07
Mara Kamat
Do you make it from the chicken? My mom.
18:12
Rachel DesRochers
Yes. Like, if I'm making it, like, yeah. I'm going all in the Nana way. Andthen I also go to, like, every New Year's Day. She always made black eyed peas.
18:22
Carrie Aguilar
I love that.
18:23
Rachel DesRochers
And there's not a lot of tradition from the holidays that I've carried overmainly because, like, she had time that I did it.
18:30
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair.
18:32
Rachel DesRochers
You know, God bless those women who change out the bathroom decor, you guys.That is not goals unless I can have somebody, you know, but, like, that's goalstoo. But, like making her black eyed pea soup or like being in the kitchen andsnapping green beans, like, And I write those in the book. Like, those aremoments that I come back to over and time again.
18:54
Carrie Aguilar
So you just mentioned a book. So your book is about.
18:57
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah, it's called the Morning Light. Morning M O U R I N G. Right. And Istarted writing. I was not gonna write a book. Like, this wasn't like, Rachel'swriting a book. But during. So she died in September of 2020.
19:13
Carrie Aguilar
I'm sorry.
19:13
Rachel DesRochers
At the age of 63 from early onset UL Alzheimer's. She had. We gotten adiagnosis at 59.
19:20
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
19:20
Rachel DesRochers
And that was fast. Early onset is usually a four to seven year diagnosis. InFebruary of 2020, she had a massive heart attack. My dad called. They were atthe dentist, and he said, something's wrong. Mom's not breathing. Meet me atthe hospital. And I fly to St. Elizabeth Hospital. Like, again, like, I look atthis now, and I'm like, there's a miracle. Their dentist office used to be in adifferent part of town. And the day, like, now they're one block from thehospital. So, like, there was a miracle there. It was one block. She wouldn'thave made it had it been five blocks. Like, she would not have. And I get tothe hospital and I go back there and they pull out the bereavement cart and,like, no one's still saying anything. Right. And she was on a vent.
20:14
Rachel DesRochers
And I remember the nurse coming and probably the doctor and saying, like,there's one thing we can do, there's one method we can try, and that is to keepher on the vent and cool her body temperature down to give her brain a littlebreak to see if she can wake up. But if we take her off. We don't think she'sgonna live. And we're not extreme people. Like, neither one of us wanted toprolong the suffering. And I remember so clearly looking at my dad because Iaccepted that she was dying the day that I got the diagnosis.
20:52
Carrie Aguilar
But it's not necessarily.
20:54
Rachel DesRochers
He did not realize that she was dying until that day. And I remember looking atthe nurse and looking at him, and I said, I think we're just gonna try thisthing. He needs a minute to say goodbye, if that's what's gonna happen. And mymom, like, God bless her, she had bracelets up to her elbows. And I justremember the nurse. It probably took him 25 minutes to. My poor mom undressedwith her jewels. Right. Like, just, like, one bracelet at a time. And. And so Isay all of that with joy right there. Everything changed.
21:26
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
21:27
Rachel DesRochers
And the tenderness of life was exposed. And even prior to that moment, I hadwritten about the slipping of my mother. Right. Like, Alzheimer's is a slowslip. And we got her for six more months, and it was like she woke up, and Iremember you guys, I sat in the hospital bed when.
21:50
Carrie Aguilar
So they cooled her down.
21:51
Rachel DesRochers
They cooled her down. She woke up. They took. They weaned her off the vent.
21:56
Carrie Aguilar
Oh, wow.
21:57
Rachel DesRochers
She pulled out all of her IVs. And they were Covid. Had just started.
22:01
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
22:02
Rachel DesRochers
I was gonna say the day they kicked us out of the hospital was the day thelockdown happened. But they knew they couldn't take care of her because she wassuch a weird, tender state. God, what a gift it was. And so I think part of itwas, is that I didn't run from it. We run from grief because we don't know howto talk about grief. Because it's hard, it's emotional, it's scary, it'svulnerable. It's messy. We lose somebody we love. And grief is not getting thejob or a child loss or a partner breakup or a car accident. Grief is so part oflife. It is a part of life. And breathe into that, Mara, because, like, it isheart moving and it is. You know, that's part of this, though.
22:56
Rachel DesRochers
One of my spiritual teachers always said, when you cry, your heart's open toGod the most. And so, like, that's when we can really listen. And so we wantto, like, shove it down. We don't want to cry. We don't want to have thatemotion because it's like, oh, my God, I did my makeup. I gotta drive to. Youknow, like, you got all you got life ahead of you, but, like, just allowing themotion to be there. So I wrote. I wrote. I put it all out. I shared thosemoments and memories I shared sitting there bedside with her and, like,literally watching her talk to her mom, who had died before I was born.
23:31
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, that's incredible.
23:32
Rachel DesRochers
And my dad looked at me at one point like people were going up to him when wewould be out, and they would be like, her writing gave me a chance to grieve myparent that I never grieved. And that feels like such a weird thing. Cause I'mlike, no, that was for me. That was my survival. But the fact that my survivalwas allowing someone else to know that they were gonna get through it, That's agift from God. That's bigger than Rachel. And so I picked it up and put it downfor the last four years. And in 2023, my marriage fell apart. And this was nota divorce book.
24:15
Rachel DesRochers
But once I really allowed myself to tap into what this book could be versus thebarrier of what I wanted it to be, where I felt safe, that container I feltsafe in. This whole story about being made fun of when I was a little girl,when I was a kid in grade school, and losing my mom. But the lessons that shetaught in her sickest years, like, one of the greatest lessons she taught mewas when she was dying and were at a doctor's appointment, and the nurse said,mary, your bracelets are so beautiful. My mom loved her jewelry. I think wehave mothers who love their jewelry, right? Like, that's probably. And my dadnever said no to her.
25:00
Rachel DesRochers
And even when I was a kid, like, she would let me look at it and touch it andmaybe put it on, but, like, put it right back. There was not a, like, walkingout of her bedroom with her bracelet on, and she took a bracelet off and gaveit to the nurse.
25:12
Mara Kamat
Oh.
25:13
Rachel DesRochers
And I said, mom, I mean, I was sobbing. Like, I never witnessed that. Like,pure, divine.
25:19
Carrie Aguilar
And wow.
25:20
Rachel DesRochers
I said, mom, that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with her. Andshe goes, rachel, life is love.
25:27
Mara Kamat
What a beautiful, like, lesson. Like, lesson saying thing that, like, stillstands out in your mind and will always stand out in as you remember and thinkabout your mom. And such a beautiful thing to take forward in your life andeven into your children's.
25:40
Rachel DesRochers
That's it. Because it's that simple, you guys. It's that.
25:43
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, there it.
25:44
Rachel DesRochers
That you want to unlock. I always say, like, you want to unlock, like, the pathto freedom's gratitude, but, like, you want to unlock. Yeah, the Most happiestversion of yourself.
25:54
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
25:55
Rachel DesRochers
Life is love. It's that. So the book is all of these stories. You know, the waythat I kind of have said it as I'm learning how to talk about being an author,because it's overwhelming in this very weird way, is that grief expanded me andgratitude's caught me. Like, that's it. And they walk hand in hand. I've alwaysseparated them out. I've always given credit to gratitude. But in allactuality, grief and gratitude have carried me my whole life. And whatinvaluable tools that I have and that I want to tell you guys how to accessthem because. And then there's a 90 day gratitude journal. My publisher waslike, you should do that. Like, it makes sense.
26:34
Rachel DesRochers
The book also has journal prompts in it because high functioning adhd, like,and it also, every chapter has a recipe as a nod back to my mom.
26:44
Carrie Aguilar
And dishes, you know, is the chow mein in there?
26:48
Rachel DesRochers
Chicken noodle soup is girl. So, yeah, thanks.
26:54
Carrie Aguilar
I love that. What is the idea behind the journal? Is that. What is the.
27:01
Rachel DesRochers
I think if you have a gratitude practice, you have an abundant life. And wehave so much telling us that we don't have enough. And gratitude has given melife. Gratitude's why I'm still an entrepreneur. 15 years in. Like, it would beso much easier some days if I just had a job. Right. Like, and so this idea.And I've led gratitude groups. I've taught gratitude for 20 years. And I alwaysthought it was funny because I'm like, you guys. Like, it's a pen and paper.Like, I don't. But what I learned in teaching is that asking somebody whatthey're grateful for is. Can be a roadblock. It's a barrier. Because what Ihear is like one you grew up hearing. Like, you should be grateful for thoseP's on your plate. Like, Right. The should of gratitude or the comparison of.
27:56
Rachel DesRochers
Like, I had somebody say, well, I don't have a boat. And I was like, you guys,I don't have a boat. And don't you know the rule on boats? You don't want toown a boat. You want a friend with a boat. So, like, one like, do you have aboat?
28:09
Mara Kamat
We do have a boat.
28:09
Rachel DesRochers
Yes. Yeah. See? And so we're coming back up in the summer. You're taking me outon your boat. I would love that. I would love that too. Like, it's a date.
28:19
Mara Kamat
A very peaceful, happy place.
28:21
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
28:21
Rachel DesRochers
Right. And so I. That is hilarious. But, like, people do that. Like, suchcomparison. That is so funny. Sorry, no offense.
28:29
Carrie Aguilar
We are on a lake.
28:30
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah, it's fine. I have a friend with a boat too. Thanks, Burns. He'll lovethat. I just did that. That's so funny. Oh, my God. Of course I use thatexample. But, like, I think it's that, like, we want to compare it to this bigthing. In all actuality, if I sat today, like, I'm grateful that I get to sitwith you guys and have this conversation. I'm grateful that I upgraded my hoteland that I asked the guy to make sure I had a room with a tub. I am gratefulthat I got a cup of tea this morning. I'm grateful that I have clean drinkingwater. Right.
29:04
Rachel DesRochers
And so this journal, then that question is of course, is in there, but it'salso saying, like, from your bed, what are three things that you can see thatyou're grateful for that are in your bedroom? It's this perspective. It'sreminding you that you have a bed and a bedroom and you have heat and blood.
29:23
Carrie Aguilar
Grief, I guess.
29:24
Rachel DesRochers
No, it is a full 90 day gratitude journal. So it is all.
29:28
Carrie Aguilar
I didn't stemmed and driven around like, I thought it was more of like a griefjournal.
29:32
Rachel DesRochers
No, it is. It is a full gratitude journal because you've got to get grounded inyour body. I love that gratitude grounds you and puts you back in your body.
29:41
Carrie Aguilar
I love that.
29:42
Mara Kamat
I love how you say that too. Like, I was thinking about that a lot last nightafter you said it. And you know what amazes me is like to write a book is noteasy. Right. You have to sit yourself down and make this choice. And I'veactually picked it up and put it down and picked it up and put it down. And Ihave pages written of a book that I want to write around leadership.
30:04
Rachel DesRochers
Yes, yes.
30:04
Mara Kamat
How did you. What inspired you to finally say, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonnatake this step. I'm gonna dedicate my time and myself to writing this book.
30:14
Rachel DesRochers
I think the divorce, because I think it goes back to that. I'm not gonna giveup one more day. You know, I hear a lot, like, I don't know how you doodle one.I don't like, let me just. I'll pop that. I love popping that bubble forpeople. And so I think sometimes I was like, I don't need to do one more thing.I don't need to take up more space in the world. And the divorce showed me howsmall I kept trying to make myself.
30:48
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
30:48
Rachel DesRochers
And how I Just was like, I wanted to take up the space, but it was just alwaysa conflict of don't. Yeah. And so. And I was willing to unlearn that.
31:01
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
31:02
Rachel DesRochers
I was unwilling. I was willing to say, wait a second. I do matter and I amworthy and I do bring value, and I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it for myself.
31:13
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
31:14
Rachel DesRochers
And then I think, you know, Mara, the words just finally came back to me. Theyear after my divorce, I had no words and I had no ability to cook. Like, Iremember those two things very clearly. Like, I couldn't do either. I didn'ttry to keep up with social media. Like, I just kinda. Like, I had to. I dugdeeper into healing than I ever have. Shout out to the women, literally, who. Iprobably worked with 10 healers over the course of 18 months and in alldifferent modalities. And I remember when the words finally came back, and Iremember when I was willing to face the truth of the words.
31:57
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
31:59
Rachel DesRochers
And I remember being in the sunroom at the house. It was a Sunday afternoon,and I. Ellis was downstairs, my youngest. And I just started sobbing. And Isaid, I think all the words finally came out. Like, I think I did it. And thenI learned about the editing process, which has taken us. We launched pre launchof the book in May of 24, and it's just now here. So, like, it's been agrueling thing to do.
32:28
Carrie Aguilar
I love that.
32:29
Mara Kamat
Will you give us the title one more time?
32:31
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah. The Morning Light and shift to light. 90 days to grateful.
32:34
Carrie Aguilar
I love that. By Rachel Durocher.
32:37
Rachel DesRochers
By Rachel Derocher.
32:38
Carrie Aguilar
Badass.
32:39
Rachel DesRochers
Dude, I'm schfitzing over here a little.
32:42
Carrie Aguilar
So I have a question that sounds a little like, if there are women that are alittle like you that make themselves maybe a little smaller than they should beor feel like they try and fit into boxes. What are your pieces of? Maybe adviceor feedback or just.
33:06
Rachel DesRochers
I think that's part of what I love about power to pursue. I talk about it a lotin the version of the hats.
33:12
Carrie Aguilar
Okay.
33:12
Rachel DesRochers
We wear a lot of hats. We're mother, daughter, divorcee, Women's activists.Women's activists, incubator, kitchen founder. You know, like, and so, like,what if you could take off all the hats? Like, who is Carrie?
33:27
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
33:28
Rachel DesRochers
Who is Mara? Without all of these titles. Who is Rachel? So over the lastdecades of, like, learning, like, I am that person, but, like, this is who Iam, Right. I like to drink a gallon of water a day.
33:40
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
33:40
Rachel DesRochers
I don't Eat meat. Like it, you know, whatever. Like these things are. I lovewearing bright colors, right. Like, I love a big earring and the willingness totry to be like, oh, this feels good. And so one is. I think it's like lookingat all the hats you wear if you don't believe that you're worthy or you're goodenough. Like, get help and not therapy is great. Getting astrology is great.Going for a walk is great. Like, there's so it doesn't matter. What it mattersis that you find the thing that helps you think about it. It's like, do it.
34:16
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah. It's like the action of doing something that moves you forward or movesyou.
34:21
Rachel DesRochers
Make sure you're around people that make you feel good. If someone's likebelittling you or telling you can't or that you don't bel. Like, right. You. Itell people all the time we choose our suffering as like, right. Like that'spart of the human experience. Suffering's not a bad thing. But when you'reconsciously aware and choosing suffering still, like, that's on you. Boo. Like,and you can do something about that. Again, it goes back to asking, you know,we can ask for help or we can suffer in not knowing.
34:53
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
34:53
Rachel DesRochers
And that's how I. That's my. Like, that is such a clear reframe. The otherthing that I ask literally almost every single day, especially when I'm at aunclear. Is this real?
35:10
Carrie Aguilar
Like, is your feeling real, all of.
35:12
Mara Kamat
It, or are you telling yourself a story?
35:14
Rachel DesRochers
Exactly what that person just said to me. That took me by off guard. Wait,maybe they were having a bad day. Because, like, I've been with this person alot and they've never done that before. So like, before I go back to God, blah,blah. You know, like, what if I gave breath or space for the human experience.
35:35
Mara Kamat
And forgiveness and love?
35:36
Carrie Aguilar
Right? Yeah.
35:38
Rachel DesRochers
What's real for me? Well, I can take that personal, right? But like, I don't.If I took all of the things personal that people have said, like, the weight ofthat would allow me not to move through the world. Like, I want to move. That'spart of like, I'm a quick processor and I'm quick to, like. Cause like, I justwant it to be light. I want to choose the path of ease and grace. But that'sgratitude.
36:02
Carrie Aguilar
I talked about that the other day.
36:03
Mara Kamat
Yeah. Like, it's such an interesting topic because I'll be like, reallytransparent and vulnerable. Like, I struggle with that. Like, if I feel likesomebody has been like mean or hurtful or said something like, I am such aprocessor, and I take it. It so to heart. And I'm trying to learn how to kindof, like, let it go. And. And just. And I'm trying to teach my kids that, like,in a really focused way, because, like, people are mean. Sometimes people aremean, and that shouldn't. And it might be that they're having a bad day. Itmight mean that they're not a good person. It might mean that they'reexperiencing something and they need your extra love and support. Right.There's so many things that could mean. But the only thing I know I can controlis myself.
36:43
Rachel DesRochers
That's it.
36:44
Mara Kamat
And how I respond and how.
36:45
Rachel DesRochers
I mean, we couldn't let people be mean to us.
36:47
Carrie Aguilar
Right?
36:48
Rachel DesRochers
Right. But you don't have to take it all so personal.
36:51
Mara Kamat
Yeah.
36:52
Rachel DesRochers
And I. I really go back to the people that have really been probably mean,quote, unquote, are probably people that are the closest to me. And guess what?Those are the people we're safest with. So usually if, like, somebody sayssomething that catches me off guard or that has the tone, I immediately kind ofdrop into where who is. I'm in relationship. Because if it's like, a goodfriend, I know that they were really safe with me, and that actually hadnothing to do with me. They had something going on, and it came out that way.
37:26
Mara Kamat
I wish I could have that wisdom.
37:29
Rachel DesRochers
And then I have the essay of my life, and then I have the empaths who will holdthe anger for me. Like, I have friends who are like, I can't. And I'm like, yougo, girl. But, like, I don't care. I don't care, because guess what? Like, mecaring means I have to stop doing the work. And when I stop doing the work, I'mout of alignment. And my. My work is.
37:51
Carrie Aguilar
You and I are very similar in that way.
37:53
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
37:53
Carrie Aguilar
Like, it's gonna have to.
37:55
Rachel DesRochers
Like, it's hard. Humaning is hard.
37:57
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
37:58
Mara Kamat
There's actually a lot of research on personalities that are more apt to let itgo.
38:04
Rachel DesRochers
Have you guys done the Enneagram?
38:06
Mara Kamat
Yeah.
38:06
Rachel DesRochers
What are. I'm a seven.
38:07
Carrie Aguilar
I'm. I'm an eight. I'm an eight. Me and Donald Trump.
38:11
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah.
38:13
Carrie Aguilar
Terrible. It's the only thing, by the way, we have in common.
38:16
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah, yeah, I know. I. I have friends with eights, and eights can hold it down,but eights can be like, they'll cut you with a knife. Where I just, like, wantto have all the fun.
38:27
Mara Kamat
Like, and that's anything possible. And like, the research says, people thathave a personality type that's more apt to do that are happier people whoexperience less emotional distress and trauma over the course of their lifebecause they have the personality traits where they can let it go again. Itgoes back to gratitude.
38:47
Rachel DesRochers
I think it's a gratitude practice. I think you can train your brain, like, tosee the good, to see the light.
38:56
Carrie Aguilar
It's really interesting. My husband is a lot like you, Mara, and he reallyworks hard on a gratitude practice. Every day he writes in a gratitude journal,and it's a very. He like it literally every day. He is very. He's verymethodical on it. And, Yeah, I love that.
39:14
Mara Kamat
You know, I've picked it up. Like, gratitude journal.
39:16
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
39:16
Mara Kamat
Like, I picked him up. I put him down. Like, I literally probably have one nextto my bed right now. But you're right. Like, I think as humans, we get in andout of practices, and then we have to kind of, like, regroup and say, you knowwhat? That was a really good practice. Why did I get out of that? I mean, lifehappened, right? You do a million things, but, like, of course, leaving today,guys, one of the pieces of energy you've given me is, like, go back to thatpractice. Yeah, go back to that practice.
39:42
Rachel DesRochers
That's, I think, the beautiful thing about a practice. You can always come backto it.
39:45
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
39:45
Rachel DesRochers
You know, and there doesn't need to be guilt of why we fell off. There doesn'tneed to be guilt or shame of, like, not doing it good enough or perfect orcomparing it to somebody else's. You know, I always go back to, like,gratitude's a muscle. And I've been practicing gratitude since I was in sixthgrade when I came home from the day the girls were so mean to me. And my dadsaid, you can take it personal or you can love who you are. And he goes, peopleare mean because they don't love who they are. So, like, what are you gratefulfor about who you are? Like, literally. And I'm like, in sixth grade, I'm like,okay. But it's like, literally, my soul, like, embraced it. Like, I go back,Jerry.
40:33
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
40:34
Rachel DesRochers
I, like, go back all the way. Like, it's. That's in the book you guys. Like,now. You don't even need to read the book. Like, it's fine.
40:40
Carrie Aguilar
Life is love.
40:41
Rachel DesRochers
Life is love. Love yourself. Have a gratitude practice. Check, check. But it'sa. If you're gonna become. If you're gonna run a marathon, you don't go Buy newshoes and get to running, right? Like, you probably pull out your old shoes andtry to maybe walk around. Like, I would probably just try to walk around. Myblock would be like, where Rachel would start on her marathon training. I'd putmy Nikes on and just walk around my block.
41:02
Carrie Aguilar
Me, I would buy a medal and be like, I already did it.
41:05
Rachel DesRochers
See? Like, so, like, it's just. It goes back to this. Like, you have theability to strengthen any muscle, whether it's cooking muscle or running muscleor gratitude muscle.
41:15
Mara Kamat
So I love this because my fourth grader is actually here. Daughter, listeningto our podcast today. And I have a 6th grade daughter and 6th grade drama isnot easy to navigate. Let's just say that, oh, I had a sixth grade.
41:28
Rachel DesRochers
That was my sixth grade story too.
41:29
Mara Kamat
That's what you're saying, right? And like, one of the things that we'vestarted doing is actually listening to these podcasts as a family, like me, Ariand Olivia.
41:39
Carrie Aguilar
I love that.
41:40
Mara Kamat
And I am so excited for them to listen to this because I think there's likesuch beautiful nuggets for them to take away as humans as they're growing. Andin my, you know, almost 40 year old body, like, there's a lot for me to takeaway from.
41:54
Carrie Aguilar
I notice how you put almost 40 in there. I'm just kidding.
41:57
Mara Kamat
Probably my 38 year old, by the way. Let me stay there. Let me stay there.
42:02
Carrie Aguilar
I'm 40 and it felt. I'm feeling a victim of your. But I love that. I love that.I love you too.
42:13
Rachel DesRochers
I love this.
42:14
Carrie Aguilar
I would have called it out all the time. I know we have to, like, wrap up. Idid want to say one more thing because I do think that this is, like,incredibly important. I think power to pursue. I'm so excited. I'm so excitedto be bringing it to Cleveland. I think one of the most powerful things that itdoes is it creates a space for women to be vulnerable and it creates a spacefor women to not the, like, the best thing that it does is I feel like everytime you go to an event, instead of feeling inadequate, leaving and feelinglike there's so much I'm not doing or there's so much I need to be doing. Youfeel energized and you feel like your buckets are filled. That's it. And that'sincredible.
43:02
Rachel DesRochers
Yeah, I'm really mindful of that too. I've walked out at a lot of conferencesfeeling just so depleted because it was like, so you just get wiped out andthen it's hard to look at the list of where to start or what to do from there.You know, I tell my speakers, if you're getting on stage and, like, trying to,like, sell or tell us how to better, like, that's not what this room is like. Ineed to hear when you fell down and what tools you use to get back up. That'swhat we need. Women need access in the strife and struggle to know that we comeout on the other side of it. Right. Like, I came out on the other side oflosing my mom. I came out on the other side divorce.
43:46
Rachel DesRochers
I came out on the other side of all of these experiences, and they've made mebetter. And so power to pursue is. I'm not trying to make anyone better. WhatI'm trying to do is say, you are so divine and worthy of being loved for whoyou are. Please come into this room and let us love on you. That's it.
44:11
Carrie Aguilar
I made the statement about my grandmother, like, in tears at the. And she toldme the reason why she was in tears was because she said, I didn't know thatthere were places now where women could talk like this. And, like, that to mewas like, that's it. Yeah. Like, I mean, like, imagine being 95, and imagine,like, living a life that was so full and, like, she's like, you know, she's at,you know, the sunset of her life. But, like, she listened to this incrediblewoman with, like, all of her stories, but she was so filled with just gratitudethat, like, there is a space where women can be on a stage and, like, tellstories of, like, their real life.
44:55
Mara Kamat
Yeah.
44:55
Carrie Aguilar
And not, like, what this, like, pretty picture of this, you know, Instagramstory might be, like, how amazing that is and, like, how. How normalizing thatcan be to just, like, let every other woman know that, like, we can build eachother up.
45:13
Rachel DesRochers
We're better together. Rising tide lifts all ships. Right.
45:15
Carrie Aguilar
Like, we talk about, we're not all perfect. Let's just keep doing it. Let'skeep building.
45:20
Rachel DesRochers
I met two women last night, and I said, you know, it's this idea of, like,we've been told and taught, I think our generation and older. I don't think theyounger so much.
45:29
Carrie Aguilar
40 and older.
45:30
Rachel DesRochers
40 and older. 40 and 40 up. It's that there's one seat at the table.
45:34
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
45:35
Rachel DesRochers
Right. And so, like, that goes back to, like, when I got lost my job, there wasone seat at the table. And, like, she wanted. She wanted to sit in the chairbetter.
45:42
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
45:43
Rachel DesRochers
The marketing, like, the girl, like, this Idea that. No, we never have to worryabout that if we don't leave home without our chairs because the tables arealways big enough.
45:53
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, I will.
45:54
Rachel DesRochers
I will sit. Like, I have no problem sitting in the corner, but, like, I'm gonnabe. You're worthy. And, like, hearing when they come in and they're like, Ican't believe I'm in this room. Like, no, you bel. Belong in this room.
46:05
Mara Kamat
If I had, like, you know, one way to change the world, and maybe this is, like,being.
46:11
Carrie Aguilar
No.
46:14
Mara Kamat
But like, and my husband and I talk about this all the time, and I talk to thisabout my girls all the time. Like, if women could just lift up and love onother women versus, like, tearing them down, how different.
46:26
Rachel DesRochers
Well, now you're building it. No, it's already happen. I know you're buildingwith power to pursue. Like, you are doing that already, Mara, because you'rebringing that to your community. And you're saying, we found something that istelling us that we. We can do it this way and so carry that torch. I need thatis what your jobs are up here is like, to carry that and remind these women.And again, like, the ripple is there. You guys were there last May. You sawwhat it looked like having 650 women come together in the goodness of womencoming together.
46:59
Carrie Aguilar
Literally.
46:59
Rachel DesRochers
There's no, like, listen, if you want, like, to be the best, like, I'm all forthat. I tell people I'm the best at hugs. Everything else is a bonus because Idon't want the pressure of what you think is the best. That's not my job. Andso we can normalize these things. I don't know. Oh, I could do this all day.
47:23
Carrie Aguilar
No, I just. I love it so much. I love it so much. So we always like to ask thisquestion. If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice,what would it be? It could be about anything. Entrepreneurship, motherhood,life. I don't know.
47:43
Mara Kamat
Anything.
47:43
Carrie Aguilar
Anything.
47:44
Rachel DesRochers
I don't have any regrets, but I would tell her how divinely loved she is andhow much her voice matters to just keep using it.
47:56
Carrie Aguilar
I love doing that.
47:58
Mara Kamat
I love it too. So, Rachel.
48:01
Rachel DesRochers
Oh, well, then now they're volunteers.
48:05
Mara Kamat
You know, this has been an incredible conversation. Your journey as anentrepreneur, a mother. I love the word entitled. Women's activist. I havedubbed you that, and I will forever call you that.
48:18
Rachel DesRochers
Thank you. Thank you, author.
48:20
Mara Kamat
And just like your nature and inspiration that you give out into the world.World is so incredible and sunshine. Yeah. And I'm so grateful to have had thistime with you this morning and like, the chaos of my day and like, I thinkthat's a beautiful thing, that we've all made space for that and that, like,each of our listeners makes space. Whether it's like listening to our podcastor walking outside or going on a date with your husband. Poor Carries isgetting canceled tonight because.
48:53
Rachel DesRochers
I wish I was staying here for one more night. I take you out on a d. Who knows?
48:58
Carrie Aguilar
It might still happen. Probably.
48:59
Rachel DesRochers
I hope it does.
49:00
Mara Kamat
I hope it does. But, you know, we are just so grateful to have had this timewith you. And I want to give our audience one more chance to know, like, howcan they connect with you?
49:11
Rachel DesRochers
Rachel Instagram. Racheldarocher if you go to the gratitudecollective.org thattakes you to every single thing. So that will take you to the book incubator.Good. And local power to pursue speaking. Stuff like, all of that is there. Ialways tell everybody to join the Power to Pursue email newsletter. We shareCleveland stuff. We share our Lawrenceburg stuff, of course. Everything we'redoing in Cincinnati. I would love to see Cleveland in the audience. May 16th. Apower to pursue. So come on down to Cincinnati, ladies. It's definitely goingto be worth the drive. Our keynote's going to rock your socks this year. So, soexcited. Thank you guys so much. I'm so grateful to be on your podcast, but tobe building power to pursue with the both of you, it feels it's a truly anhonor. Like, it's very humbling work. I.
50:03
Rachel DesRochers
I don't feel like I'm. There's not like, this is the best. It's that I get towork with women and empower them to create income and to support women. Like,like, it's really incredible.
50:17
Carrie Aguilar
Thank you.
50:19
Mara Kamat
Thank you again. We so appreciate your honesty, wisdom, and all the work thatyou do to uplift women in the world.
50:25
Rachel DesRochers
Thank you.
50:27
Mara Kamat
And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in to In Her Land. If you've lovedthis conversation, please share it with a friend. Leave us a review and keepfollowing along where we highlight incredible women making an impact on theworld. Until next time, my friends.
50:43
Carrie Aguilar
Yay. Thank you.
