Never Next, Always Now: Leading with Strength and Self-Reflection with Raquel Eatmon
00:59
Carrie Aguilar
Today we have the pleasure of having Raquel Eatmon join us on the podcast. Hi, Raquel.
01:05
Raquel Eatmon
Hello.
01:06
Carrie Aguilar
We're so happy to have you here.
01:07
Raquel Eatmon
I'm happy to be here.
01:08
Carrie Aguilar
We talk a lot about multi dimensional humans. It's Mara's favorite word, by the way.
01:14
Raquel Eatmon
I like it.
01:15
Mara Kamat
It is.
01:15
Carrie Aguilar
And Raquel is a perfect example. With a background in news broadcasting, she's an entrepreneur, an author, a restaurateur, and a renowned public speaker. We are so excited to have you here today. What I think is really wonderful is that beyond having a short chat over spring break, we actually don't know each other that well. So I'm excited to be here with you. And you and Mara literally just met. So welcome.
01:39
Mara Kamat
We always like to start our show by getting to know whoever we have on. And, you know, it's a wonderful opportunity to really hear your story. And as Carrie said, we're all multi dimensional humans. And that certainly is my favorite word. And. And what that means is getting to know you beyond what you're posting on LinkedIn or social media or online. Getting to know the real you and all of the facets that make you up. So we'd love to hear your story and learn more about you.
02:10
Raquel Eatmon
Well, and thank you very much for the conversation that you all are having on this podcast. I think it's wonderful that our voices have this platform. And when you look behind what's on social media with me, I think there's sort of three areas that I tend to live by. So one is strength, the other is integrity, and the other one is to be a student just to pay attention. So a little backstory on strength and how I've managed to find strength and really rely on inner strength. I was born in a family and raised by three women. Mom, grandma, and great granite. There are lots of. There were lots of guys around too, but these three women raised me so there's three generations. I'm the fourth. You can imagine how many conversations were at the table in this home, because they're all very different.
03:08
Raquel Eatmon
But I was really intrigued by these women because I knew that we didn't have a lot that was obvious, but somehow they managed to always pull it together. So there were words that I didn't hear in my house. I didn't hear the word leadership. I didn't hear the word budget. It was just, let's just get it done. So I was mesmerized by the way these women move through the world. Everything from their fashion to their mannerisms, to how they sat me down and would have these little talks at different times. So my grandmother, who was my best friend all of my life, she was a woman of few words. And what she said, when she said what she said, it always would. Would sting a little bit because she was very direct.
03:55
Raquel Eatmon
But she said, you know, there's one thing that you will never do. You will never use the color of your skin as a reason for not making it in this world ever.
04:04
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
04:04
Mara Kamat
That's very beautiful.
04:06
Raquel Eatmon
So now, obviously, she didn't mean that. There wasn't racism, there wasn't classism. There wasn't all of this. But she said, this is just not an excuse. It's not okay if you don't make it. The onus is on you. So that lesson gave me a lot of strength to not put labels on things that I didn't understand, to not make assumptions about people that I didn't understand, but really to kind of move through the world in a. In a strong way of, hey, now that I do understand leadership, I do understand those four mothers a lot better. How can I lead and lead sort of with them through this life? So they're sort of always here and they're always cheerleaders.
04:48
Carrie Aguilar
She's pointing to her shoulders.
04:49
Raquel Eatmon
I'm pointing to my shoulders.
04:51
Mara Kamat
I have to say that what's interesting about that, though, for you is they set a fundamental mindset and value for you.
04:58
Raquel Eatmon
Yes.
04:59
Mara Kamat
That it sounds like you've taken throughout the course of your life.
05:02
Raquel Eatmon
Absolutely. Absolutely. And in my weakest moments, I just still felt some sense of strength, like it was always there. You never lose what's been sort of ingrained in you unless you just really give it away. So that's been a continual companion that I'm just so happy that I have that. The second piece, the integrity side, you don't really see this in my social media feed, but you know how you think you Know who you are. And then something comes along and challenges you and you're like, I have fallen way short. Yes, I've been lying to myself.
05:40
Mara Kamat
Yeah.
05:41
Raquel Eatmon
That happened to me in a very stale conference room at a hotel in Columbus, Ohio. It was a three day workshop on leadership development. And I walked away. I was like, oh, yes, I am a person of integrity. And I found this out, and I know this to be true. And one day while driving home, I realized there was an area that I had not cleaned up, and it was with my biological father.
06:08
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
06:09
Raquel Eatmon
And this relationship was strained based on another family member's story of him. And as a child, that story made an imprint with me. So I told this man, as I got older, I, you know, I don't really want to have you in my life. It doesn't make any sense anyway. I have a stepfather. He's great. Da, da, da. So years later, we're talking decades, it hits me. If you're a person of integrity, you have an area that needs to be cleaned up and you need to do it for yourself. I wasn't thinking so much about him.
06:44
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
06:44
Raquel Eatmon
Although I didn't know him, I didn't even know if he would take my call. But I picked up the phone and I called him and said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the assumptions. I'm sorry that I spoke to you the way that I did. You are, in fact, the cause of me being here, and I just want to say I'm sorry. And that was it.
07:06
Carrie Aguilar
And how did that call go?
07:07
Raquel Eatmon
What did he say? He was silent, just like you all are here. Like, wait a minute. What? I called him at a time that his mother was passing away, and I didn't know this was happening. So he really was choked up. He said, let me digest this. Let me call back, but thank you. Thank you. This means the world to me. So years later, this is one of the best friends I have ever had.
07:39
Carrie Aguilar
Oh, wow.
07:41
Raquel Eatmon
This man has brought so much joy into my life. His wife has brought so much joy into my life. I now better understand where I get my laugh from. I definitely understand why I journal like crazy. He has journals everywhere.
08:00
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
08:01
Raquel Eatmon
I understand why I have a need to be involved in the conversations with women and empowerment and moving forward. He works so well with children in the D.C. Area, just helping those folks become better people and contributing to their own communities. So that one question of Raquel, let's really look at integrity. It has changed the course of my life to have this beautiful soul, to walk with he and his wife, it's just been. I don't even recognize my life from, you know, now, from before that he wasn't in it. And it's just been really lovely.
08:43
Mara Kamat
That has to be incredibly humbling, too, to be able to step back and challenge your own kind of set of beliefs in yourself, to say, you know what? I need to do this, and I need to do this for me, and I need to do this because it aligns with a value that I have. And I think often we're going to so quickly through life that we don't always take the time to pause and reflect on that and to be conscious of it. So it was such an interesting story that, you know, it had been many years. You're randomly, you know, sitting in Columbus, Ohio, in a leadership development session that you're facilitating, and you have just this moment of clarity that hits you. But it also takes a lot of courage to.
09:30
Mara Kamat
To do what you did and strength, which you talked about before, to put your own bias aside and to recognize that you had this foundation and this belief that maybe you need to do a little bit of soul searching and challenge a bit. And I think that's such a beautiful lesson for our listeners and for each of us to kind of reflect on for ourselves is what unconscious bias or assumptions do we have that are potentially blocking us or holding us back from something that is so beautiful in your life? And it took you a moment to step back and, you know, be courageous enough to dig into this part of you that you had never known.
10:18
Raquel Eatmon
I appreciate that it didn't feel that way in the moment. There was a lot of fear because I thought, you know, he's probably a terrible person. He's going to hang up the phone, I'm going to have a little egg on the face. And when you're trying to clean something up in your life, another person's response has absolutely nothing to do with you being right within.
10:44
Carrie Aguilar
You don't have control over it.
10:45
Raquel Eatmon
You don't have control over it. And as I look back on some of those moments, including calling him, it really was a very tender moment of me saying, I love myself so much. I want to get rid of this empty space that I have and come.
11:02
Carrie Aguilar
Clean well, and you're okay with whatever happens on the other end.
11:05
Raquel Eatmon
You're okay with whatever happens. And it wasn't the smoothest relationship. We didn't just jump right back in. You know, he did like, hey, you know, wait a minute, like, I don't know you. And is this some Kind of prank for an old, you know, an old. An old thing that happened. I don't know what this is. And I remember having a conversation with him, and I said, look, I love you. I want you in my life. And let me prove to you that I want those two things. I want love, and I want to have you in my life. And day by day, phone call by phone call, we did a lot of handwritten letters. I love to write a letter, and I was willing to work for that. And he wasn't the person that someone had said, and maybe he was back then.
11:58
Raquel Eatmon
I don't know. I had nothing to do with it.
12:01
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
12:02
Mara Kamat
So in the spirit of that, how did the rest of your family process this?
12:07
Raquel Eatmon
Mom, Grandma, here's what's interesting. And so I said at the open of this that my grandmother really was my best friend. She was the one person in my life saying, you should reach out to your father and just talk with him. And I'm like, no, you know, teenager. He said this. And she said, you don't know what you don't know. And what I learned after my grandmother passed away by starting a relationship with my father, he said, I would go over to your grandmother's and ask her to talk to you for me because I was so afraid of coming to your home to see you, and you would reject me. And then I thought back.
12:51
Raquel Eatmon
I'm like, oh, yeah, my grandmother was trying to do this, so I think she would be overjoyed, you know, when all of this started to happen, I think she would have been just really over the moon excited. There are some members in my family that's like, oh, why now? You know, he never reached out before. I'm like, that's your story. So I don't get into that story because it's. It's that person's story. Here's what I know to be a relationship with him. Yeah, here's what I know to be true. I'm getting a lot out of this relationship. I love it, and it's giving me the full life that I knew that I deserved. So I'm good with what anybody else has to say.
13:34
Mara Kamat
Something you said there that was really interesting, and I want to pull on a little bit, and I think is powerful are the stories that we tell ourselves and the stories that other people tell us, and then we adopt as our own. And I think there's an incredible power. And the literature says this, right? There is an incredible power in the stories that we tell ourselves that dictate our Actions in both positive and negative ways. And this is a great example of how you've had to navigate that in life. But I think, you know, taking it back to our listeners, and even for myself, it's something I think about a lot.
14:14
Mara Kamat
What story am I telling myself and what power am I giving that story that I'm telling myself in both maybe a more positive way than it should have, or certainly a more negative way because we're always so hard on ourselves.
14:31
Carrie Aguilar
It's hardly the positive side.
14:33
Raquel Eatmon
Yeah.
14:34
Mara Kamat
Let's be real. It's not. But I love that you shared that story and that you took it even further to talk about the story your grandmother's telling you throughout your life, their story that you heard from other influential people in your family that was maybe negative, and how you put those things aside and your own internal story to write the true, real story, which has been so impactful and incredible, and the relationship you've been able to build with your father that you might not have had otherwise.
15:07
Raquel Eatmon
Exactly. And I think that, you know, if we move through the world, everybody has a story. Everybody has a story about a story. But if we move through the world with one thought in mind is that you are responsible for your triggers.
15:22
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah.
15:23
Raquel Eatmon
And knowing that responsibility or that onus is on me, it's on you. Whatever that is, it really takes the complications out of it. So you have more clarity in why we're moving forward. We have more clarity in I want love for my biological father. We want more clarity. I just want to have an enormous, delicious amount of self love because I'm going to need it. The world is going to beat me up enough.
15:51
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
15:52
Raquel Eatmon
So I think that being responsible for my own triggers, understanding what they are, is a really cool way to move forward with less hassle, less stress, less strife. Especially in a time like today. There's families not even communicating with each other. A political reason, maybe. And it's like, oh, my God, are you willing to let that divide the family? Are you willing to let that distract love?
16:22
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
16:22
Raquel Eatmon
I mean, that's what we're really here to do. I love, you know, from my puppy, from a family. I just love it. And I think it's. It sets the stage for a really beautiful season. As we're all entering new seasons in our lives.
16:40
Carrie Aguilar
Struggling with digital marketing, branding or website design, does it seem impossible to navigate the landscape of social media influencers and algorithm tweaks? At vividfront, we thrive on challenges like these.
16:52
Mara Kamat
When the rules constantly shift, we don't just adapt.
16:56
Carrie Aguilar
We excel We've cracked the code for growth time and time again, propelling some.
17:00
Raquel Eatmon
Of the biggest names in e Commerce.
17:02
Carrie Aguilar
And B2B to new heights with our custom digital marketing solutions. We don't just promise results, we deliver them. Ready to take your business to the next level? Visit vividfront.com today to get started. So when you and I first met, it was middle of spring break. I had some crazy hair and I think I loved it. I was just done, I think, with a yoga session, like a 15 minute iPad session with my daughter. And I remember meeting you and you had these chapter layouts in the background. Can you talk a little bit about the books that you're writing? And I know you've kind of sprinkled in the people in it, but can you talk a little bit about it and how you came to write it or coming to write it?
17:52
Raquel Eatmon
Yes. So this one is very different. The other were leadership books. The other two, the last one was beyond how to lead with your whole self. And this one, I wanted to tell my story about these three women and myself. However, again, going back to the onus is on me. I really wanted to say there's so many times I wanted to hide behind these women because at times they were so much more stronger or so much stronger than I was. And I thought, oh, this is a great place to hide. This is a great place to be and just let them be on the front line. There comes a time when life moves you to the front line. If the great grandmother passes away, you're kind of nestling into a position like, I'm not ready.
18:39
Raquel Eatmon
So the book, it's a work in progress, obviously, but I'm working on a memoir that talks about taking ownership of my life. And there's a couple of different parts of it that I thought I needed to examine. One was growing up in this multi generational scene of these three women and how I came to be the first to go to college and all of those things. But also I moved very carefully through both a black and a white world. My mother got a voucher to send me to a private school. So we lived in a black community.
19:19
Carrie Aguilar
Where did you grow up?
19:20
Raquel Eatmon
In Mansfield, Ohio? Yes. But I ended up going to a Catholic school. So I was one of like five black kids out of grades one through eight. So it was very different to go to the school and then come back to the black community. And, you know, especially after like vocabulary class with one of the nuns who was like slapping the hand like, no, you're Mispronouncing it. And then I'd have to go back home and relax that language. And to be a kid and to not know that you have to code switch, but you're learning how to do it so you can be accepted in both spaces. So I examined that and how that actually propelled me into a world of television news. How I could see stories from both angles.
20:02
Raquel Eatmon
And I thought that this would sort of inhibit me from becoming a powerful person, but it actually aided in so many different ways. So I kind of streamlined that story of kind of moving through this world, not just as a kid who grew up on the north side of town, which was considered one of the worst sides of town, but to pick up those pieces along the way and use those in the entrepreneurial pursuit of success and happiness.
20:29
Carrie Aguilar
Wow. So then your book is about these women and about your memoir.
20:36
Raquel Eatmon
It's really about, no one's coming to save you. You've got to save yourself. But you can use everything along the way to fight a good fight. So I'm working on that title, but right now it's the Woman who Saved Me.
20:50
Mara Kamat
Beautiful.
20:51
Carrie Aguilar
I love that.
20:52
Raquel Eatmon
Thank you.
20:53
Mara Kamat
So I've thought along, I keep going back and forth on writing a book. I picked it up and put it down, and picked it up and put it down, and I'm still in that space, and I'm good with that. And that's beautiful. But tell us about your writing process. You've written a couple other books, so you knew how to do this. Now, this one on leadership development, now this one is very personal. It's your memoir, it's your story. You know, what's the writing process like? What are some unexpected challenges that you've had and how have you moved through this?
21:27
Raquel Eatmon
Well, the chapters on the wall that Carrie saw, I forget that they're there because I'm so ingrained. Like the office, she's like, is it just five chapters? I only see five. I'm like, carrie, it's going all the way around the room. So the organ, the layout is most important. I don't care what kind of book you're writing, you need some sort of outline. I am a visual person.
21:52
Carrie Aguilar
I will just say I just loved it so much. The fact that she has these, like, it's literal poster board where it's like chapter five, chapter six. I mean, it was incredible.
22:02
Raquel Eatmon
And there's a whole bunch of, like, index cards on there. They're color coded. Then there's like, you know, there might be a newspaper article or an obituary pinned to it. So the people that are in that chapter are really in that chapter. So. And I'm coming from a journalism background as well. So to tell a story, to weave a story, I need to see it, I need to come in, I need to like smell some of the paper that's there. Some of those old things my grandmother gave me. I have my great grandfather's pocket bible with his phone number inside of it. So these are little things I was able to keep and put up so that in a way it could help me tell the story.
22:40
Raquel Eatmon
The most challenging part of telling this type of story, it's the memories and it's the self management of the memories. What am I gonna do with this? Am I gonna sit and stew in it? I need it to write, so how do I turn it? And I mean, you really have to work with yourself. And then you want those people who are no longer here, you want to tell their story in a way that even if it's. If it's a negative story about that person, you can always find the good in people. I think most people try to do the right thing for the right reason in their minds, but oftentimes it can come off as amiss.
23:26
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
23:27
Raquel Eatmon
So if I'm responsible for telling my great grandmother's story, I've got to go back and tell the history of why this woman was the way she was. She was very strict and, you know, as a kid, she picked cotton and didn't go to school. So there is a lot of that to kind of pull in. So those poster boards help me identify who I'm talking about in this chapter. If I could write full time, I would be a hermit. I would write full time. I love putting pen to paper.
24:01
Carrie Aguilar
And then you spent like 15 minutes talking about this.
24:03
Raquel Eatmon
Oh, yes.
24:04
Carrie Aguilar
I too, in the same way, I was like, if I could just write full time, I absolutely would.
24:07
Raquel Eatmon
I would love it.
24:08
Carrie Aguilar
It's amazing.
24:08
Raquel Eatmon
I would love it. The creative process. I am a matcha tea girl. I need that tea there. There's certain things that I have on my desk that can give me a little reminder of like who I am. Maybe it's a pendant, maybe it's my grandmother's ring. It could be something. And there's these little tiny things. Some people need to go and look at the sea and they write from there. But I have to just have those little things around and ask the big question, what is the story about? And who cares? And anyone that wants to write a book, I say, please do it. My writing coach, she is on a mission to help 1 million women write a story. Yes, she's serious.
24:52
Raquel Eatmon
And because everybody has a story, Isn't it amazing that there's so many of us on this planet and everybody's story is different?
25:00
Mara Kamat
Yep, absolutely.
25:01
Raquel Eatmon
So tell it, if you can. Please write the book, Mara.
25:04
Mara Kamat
Okay, well, but I also appreciate you sharing your process, because perhaps I will adopt that process and make it more valuable, because sometimes I find my challenges. I'm, like, staring at a computer screen, and I'm like, okay, where do I go? But sometimes what I've also started to do is send an email to myself when I'm feeling inspired about whatever it is I'm experiencing that I want to articulate in the book. And so I've kind of collected my stories through some of that, and I would like to collect some stories through other people's lens to weave in. So maybe this summer I have some time. I've allocated it for this. I will use your process of, like, having the different chapters visually around the room. It really was, like, stunning thinking about how I weave that story.
25:52
Carrie Aguilar
I loved seeing how visual it was.
25:54
Mara Kamat
That's beautiful.
25:55
Carrie Aguilar
I was like, tell me all about.
25:56
Raquel Eatmon
This book, because, well, that room was my husband's man cave, and I took some of his things off the wall. I'm like, nope, I need to write a book. I've got to move my office. But the one thing that everyone really should do that wants to write a book is find some time every day to write something just to get a space going for yourself, to get the brain going. And even if it's the worst thing in the world you've written, don't worry about it. Just keep moving. Because that creativity, when it comes like that, it's like it's sending you a note like, hey, get up. Write this down. You want that to be forefront when you sit down at your laptop or with your, you know, your notepad, like, okay, I'm ready for you.
26:44
Raquel Eatmon
I command my subconscious to just give me the juice, and you'll be surprised at what you can come up with. I look back at some of the things I've written in this book. I'm like, who wrote this? Oh, me. It's me. I wrote this. Great job. Great job. But, yes, write the book. Write the book. Tell the story.
27:00
Carrie Aguilar
So shifting gears a little bit here on in her land, we talk a lot about women and leadership and the different challenges we face getting to where we are. I know a big portion of what you do now is work with women in different Industries on helping them show up as their best selves. Can you talk to us a little bit about this work and what you have found as being the most impactful?
27:25
Raquel Eatmon
I love this work. I am so inspired by what we're able to do, and I'm uninspired by how long it's taking us to do the rest. There's a big conversation around happiness, and I think we're spending a lot of time talking about happiness and all of these other things. And there's just a very little bit of action that's taking place. So if you look at happiness, if we look at happiness, are we depending on someone else to contribute to that happiness? I feel happiest when I'm with this person or that person. Well, are you depending on something from that person? If that person isn't there, are you incapable of feeling the happiness? So I recently read in some research I was doing from Harvard's lab where they were talking about happiness. For some people, it's actually working.
28:31
Raquel Eatmon
It's a purposeful work that you need to collaborate and contribute to something bigger than yourself. And I'm like, that speaks to me because I do feel happy. Like, this makes me very happy. Being at home solo can make me happy. Just journaling, reading New York Times newspaper, touching the actual newspaper, smelling it, getting the print on my fingertips, that makes me happy. But if you pull back and say, well, now we're talking about, this is this fulfillment within for something that I contribute. So if we're looking at a way to feel more fulfilled in the world, I think what we're really saying is I'm taking action and that makes me happy. So I think you and I talked about this, Carrie. Yeah, were talking and I said, I'm finished talking about confidence. Yep.
29:25
Carrie Aguilar
Like, done.
29:26
Raquel Eatmon
I'm done. How do we get confident? By taking action.
29:31
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
29:32
Raquel Eatmon
It's not. So reading about it might help a little bit. And this isn't for our girls and teenagers. I know we do need to instill that those talks with them. But as you. As we get into the world, the workforce, like, oh, if I were more confident, I was this and that. If you study our male counterparts and see how many times they go in for the promotion and they are under.
29:53
Mara Kamat
Or ask for more money or ask.
29:55
Raquel Eatmon
For more, like I every six months, every three months.
29:58
Mara Kamat
Being an HR professional, never seen anything like it. My husband has heard the best stories of my career.
30:04
Raquel Eatmon
Isn't it amazing?
30:05
Mara Kamat
And then my daughters have to hear, and you better go do this, because if that's what it takes to be seen and heard, my friends, you need to make sure you are seen and heard, my friends.
30:18
Raquel Eatmon
And I think when men go in to ask for more, it builds confidence and it's like, I might get it, I might not. And if I don't, I'll be back in three months or next year.
30:33
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
30:33
Raquel Eatmon
No big deal. No big deal.
30:34
Mara Kamat
Or the organization will have that in the back of their mind. So maybe I don't get it now, but in three months my boss is going to advocate for that or maybe I'm going to get more during the promotion time or the salary increase time because I've said something and now it's sitting in the back of their mind.
30:51
Raquel Eatmon
Yes, absolutely great at it. And I don't suggest that we behave like men, but I believe that we can learn from them. So something else that they often do is have a meeting before a meeting. It's just, hey, you know, hey, Bob, I just want to run this by you. I am going to say this and this at the meeting. Is this something you can stand behind or am I out of line with this? And Bob will say, no, you know what, I'll back you up on that. Let's go. And there's, there's nothing else. It could literally be a 60 second meeting.
31:22
Mara Kamat
I will honestly say I do that quite often. I love that. I think that's been like critical as an executive. And then now in my consulting practice doing that and aligning the key players to understand where does everyone say, how is this meeting going to go?
31:40
Raquel Eatmon
That's important.
31:41
Mara Kamat
And are we going to be able to move this initiative forward?
31:43
Carrie Aguilar
Yeah, like a temp check prior to. I love that.
31:47
Mara Kamat
Yeah. And a little bit of it is influencing, knowing where they're at and then having the opportunity to just before everybody gets in the room and has their own perspective.
31:56
Carrie Aguilar
Right. So you're not dropping bombs.
31:58
Mara Kamat
Exactly.
31:59
Raquel Eatmon
Yes. We've dropped a fruit bomb. Yes. But it really is about, it's about action. So how I live my life is, I think, pretty simple. And I have a method that I use so that I know I am taking action. It's never next now. It's super simple. It's a three step process for me. Never next now, never. What am I, what do I need to stop doing? I'm tired of writing about it and talking to my BFF about it. What do I need to stop doing or what's missing? The next part is clarity, you know, Once I figure that out. All right, let's get clear on the vision of what my life could look like if I stopped doing this. And that includes, like, eating potato chips. It could be something as simple as that. Right.
32:48
Raquel Eatmon
But the now phase, that is where we take action. And so if you dwindle that down to another three words, we're talking about exploration, we're talking about innovation, and we're talking about growth. I go through this system sometimes three or four times a day, especially if I'm at the restaurant and sort of managing the team. There's so much happening there.
33:10
Carrie Aguilar
So I want to put a pin in this. So, because we mentioned that you were a restaurateur.
33:14
Raquel Eatmon
Yes.
33:14
Carrie Aguilar
But could you just start Explain, because you said the R word, restaurant. Can you give a little bit of background as to what restaurant you're a restaurateur of?
33:24
Raquel Eatmon
Yes. So it is Osteria, Italian, downtown Cleveland.
33:27
Carrie Aguilar
It's amazing.
33:28
Raquel Eatmon
Thank you for that. It really is a lot of hard work. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I've learned so much. And just a quick backstory of that. This is not an industry I was familiar with, so I went into it blindly. The only thing I knew about the restaurant business was what I learned at 16 when I worked at Ponderosa. And it doesn't count as being a partner in a business and running and managing a team. However, just about all of my employees knew much more about the business than I did. And I became this imposter, thinking I needed to wear the suit, walk in, like, I knew what was happening, and I knew very little. And that works for a short period of time.
34:14
Raquel Eatmon
So when I found out, oh, you're trying to fake it until you make it, and these folks can see straight through you, lady. I had a meeting.
34:23
Carrie Aguilar
This is really. Confidence in action is really what you're showing.
34:26
Raquel Eatmon
Well, yeah. And some vulnerability, because I end up going into the bathroom. I don't know why I always end up in the bathroom. To have a moment.
34:34
Mara Kamat
It's a safe spot.
34:35
Raquel Eatmon
It's a safe spot. I went into the bathroom, and there's double doors. And when I got to the second door, two of my servers were in there, and one of them said, I know Raquel is such a bee. And it wasn't the bold word. It wasn't the beautiful word. It was the other word, and the other one was like, mm. And then I pulled the door open, and I couldn't even look at them, because I just. I knew what was coming up So I got into the stall and I stood there and they walked out, they left. And I just started to breathe and something said, breathe, just breathe. And I keep these little post it notes in my pocket. And I. And I took it out and I just wrote one, what do you do?
35:17
Raquel Eatmon
Well, and I went back to my news days. Oh, I interview people well. Oh, I'm a great listener. And it's like, da, da. And it was instead of crying and just sort of losing it in the moment, I was so empowered by, what do you do? Well, where's that coming from? I think it's when we take the time to do deep breathing, it opens the brain up for more interaction to whatever you're trying to connect with. And for me, it was that strength. I was trying to connect with that. So when I figured all of that out, and I still have these notepads, they're one of the poster boards where I'm writing the book, I went out and said, okay, do those things and figure out the rest. So I started to ask the team, I don't know how to do this.
36:06
Raquel Eatmon
Can you show me how? And to have one of my chefs who was giving me a lot of crap was like, oh, so you want me to show you something? And I'm like, yes, please. Can you show me how that changed the entire scope of that business, My customer experience, I was curating all of those experiences. It enhanced that. It enhanced the sales. Some of the people that shouldn't have been there were removed or just left. The right people came in the door. It changed the game. So I went from bitter to better by going inside.
36:45
Carrie Aguilar
Wow.
36:46
Mara Kamat
I want to pause and, like, dig a little deeper there. I think one of the things that you said, and I want to make sure people really hear it, is, you know, you had a choice in that moment to allow the amygdala hijack, meaning your brain, to just take over and your anger and bitterness to just come out on other people. But by engaging in those deep breaths and taking that moment to recognize you needed to reset and you had a choice to make, you could respond, which no good was probably coming out of that.
37:21
Raquel Eatmon
No.
37:22
Mara Kamat
Or you could find a way to, like, recenter your body, recenter your mind, take a beat and breathe. And I think that's a really important, powerful tool that all of us have, and we don't always engage in. And what the research and literature shows us is that when you are more exhausted and more burnt out and less aware, you don't have the capability to Engage in that way and your brain immediately becomes hijacked. So Altus say we each make a choice in how we react. And it's really important that you as a human become in tune with your body. How are you feeling and thoughtful around? How much sleep am I getting? Where is my energy in all of this? How much stress am I under? And am I showing up in the way that I want to show up each and every day?
38:23
Carrie Aguilar
And I'm sure the level of vulnerability you showed and the choice that you made also helped all of that. Like, helped your strength because you didn't have to then put on a mask and be like, I already know everything you were trying to do that it wasn't working to be clear.
38:38
Raquel Eatmon
Very clear.
38:39
Carrie Aguilar
So then, so now you're in a position where you're like, okay, hey, jig is up. I don't know what I'm doing, but I do know this, and this. And I need your guys help in this, and this. And it empowered your team.
38:52
Raquel Eatmon
Yes.
38:53
Carrie Aguilar
But it also reminded them how great you were. You know, it actually put yourself in a position of power in areas that you're so good at. And you were actually able to say, but also, I know what I'm doing in these areas. So I can take these and I can, you know, I can take these areas and run with it, but I need your help in these areas.
39:15
Raquel Eatmon
Yes.
39:16
Mara Kamat
So let's go back. I'm going to circle us back to sharing more about the concept of never next and now and how our listeners can activate that, how you've continued to activate that and challenges that you've faced with that throughout your life.
39:36
Raquel Eatmon
So it started with me saying, it's now or never mind. So that meant action. It was just strictly about action. And then I realized being in the space of a restaurant or in the middle of a newsroom, it's chaos.
39:52
Carrie Aguilar
Right.
39:53
Raquel Eatmon
It might look good on the outside, but it's chaotic. And I thought, wait a minute, I need to think my way through this. I need to pause and I need to shift. So I thought, now or Nevermind needs a little bit more for me. And so that never part was really looking at what's missing writing on that note card. So let's just take that instance where I wasn't being true to myself. That was what was missing. So if somebody wanted to put this into play immediately, what's missing or what isn't working? It's not working that I'm being someone else. Because when you're inauthentic, nothing Works. You stay up all night trying to get back to your center. If you even know who that is at this point, there's just layers on top of layers that continues to build.
40:38
Raquel Eatmon
And you realize when you start lying to yourself, it's so hard to remember the lie. So, oh, that's not working. All right, so we've got to stop doing that. So let's get some clarity around it. Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? And the things on those note cards, you know, what do you do? Well, oh, go back to that. Just keep doing that. Where you shine? Where do you shine? Why do you have to shine in every position? Who says that you don't have to show up and do it all and know it all? And, of course, when it's time to grow, when you're looking at the now part of it, growing is it's a beautiful place to be, but before you get there, it's going to be. Something's going to rock that boat.
41:24
Raquel Eatmon
And for me, it was vulnerability. In the same instance that we're talking about, it was being vulnerable, Asking someone that I just reprimanded for help. And then I need to show up the next day and show you that, okay, your assistance is really showing up for me. And this feels really good. And I have some more questions. Can I meet with you? This, this, and this. And then the next thing you know, you're developing a relationship, and you can depend on this person. So you can use it in a relationship after a disagreement with a mate, a best friend, what's not working and how do I fix it? Because I don't want to live this way. So it's something I just love that I have this tool.
42:06
Raquel Eatmon
I feel really blessed to be able to just go into my mindset, as you said, to prevent burnout. Because if you're not managing, if you're not self managing, then somebody else is managing you. And that will definitely lead to burnout. It'll lead to feelings of shame, feelings of, you know, I'm unworthy. It's just important that we check in with self sometimes multiple times a day.
42:32
Mara Kamat
I honestly had a never moment this week where I had a relationship with someone that really felt like it hadn't been serving me in years. And my husband said to me, like, what are you doing? That feels like, you know, it doesn't serve you anymore. Maybe it did five years ago, 10 years ago, but today, mara, you know, it feels almost abusive. So what are you gonna do about that? And I was what did you do? You're right. I'm moving on from that relationship and because it's not serving me and I'm putting up a boundary. And some people might say, oh, well, are you just, like, giving up and not caring?
43:15
Mara Kamat
But I think it's also a little bit about how do we set our own personal boundaries to make sure we're taking care of ourselves, we're being true to who we are as humans and our values, and also recognizing when things no longer serve us and shedding some of the weight of that so you can have space to do the things that are meaningful, like lifting up women, developing other women, engaging in writing a book or whatever might serve us in that moment while still bettering the world.
43:51
Raquel Eatmon
It's okay to say goodbye, and that's hard. It's okay to say goodbye and you can still wish the person well and. But this is my boundary.
44:03
Carrie Aguilar
We always like to ask this question. If you could go back, Raquel, and give your younger self one piece of advice, whether it's about business, life, whatever it is, what would it be?
44:18
Raquel Eatmon
I would tell her, get ready. It's going to be lovely. It's going to be delicious, beautiful, marvelous, hurtful, awful, hard, easy. You're going to have so much success and so many failures, but if you can do this one thing right now, it'll save you 10 to 20 years of feeling unworthy. If you can stop buying into perfectionist perfectionism, if you can stop with that, it will save you so much grief and your life will have so much more meaning, so much sooner than anticipated.
45:06
Mara Kamat
That's powerful and it's beautiful and it's hard as a human, right?
45:12
Raquel Eatmon
It is.
45:13
Mara Kamat
We grow up with this achievement mindset. You talked about, this tribe of amazing women around you that, you know, gave you everything that you needed, contrary to how that happened. And you were the first one to go to college and you've achieved so much. And unfortunately, that achievement mindset sometimes turns us into wanting to be perfectionists. And I am in that same boat with you. I get it.
45:43
Carrie Aguilar
I definitely am, too.
45:44
Mara Kamat
I'm working on it. And you're right. You can live a much more fulfilling, beautiful life when you put that aside and you start to focus on what really matters.
45:55
Raquel Eatmon
Yes, wholeheartedly. Agree.
45:58
Mara Kamat
So the last question we love to ask, what is one thing that's bringing you joy right now?
46:04
Raquel Eatmon
Sleep.
46:06
Mara Kamat
Me too.
46:07
Raquel Eatmon
Sleep. Yeah, it's bringing me a lot of joy. I will have to add that this week I have a new form of happiness has sort of come into the home. I bought a piece of artwork to mark the end of a season and a beginning of a new season for my husband and I and the artist. So it's a grounded tree. And the artist, when I contacted him and I said, could you tell me more about this? And he said, this is really about starting anew. The vibrancy of this is meant to just inspire new feelings and just moving on. And I'm like, that is exactly what I'm looking for. So now I'm really finding joy in looking at this. Every time we go up the staircase, I'm looking at it like, this is new. This is newness.
46:55
Raquel Eatmon
And having those little things like that to just mark moments that are visual and that it comes from the soul of another human being, it's just really quite lovely. So that is bringing me some joy, too. But sleep. Always, always. It makes me so happy.
47:12
Mara Kamat
I love the art, and it's certainly a passion of my husband and I as well. And if you walk into our house, there are so many. I feel the same. I'm a big visual person, and I really believe how important those visual reminders are. I even have some sayings up in my daughter's rooms to make sure they're, like, front and center in their minds to inspire them as humans and as strong women. But one of my favorite pieces of art that we have is, I call it the fingerprint of our family. And an artist created it for us. And it's all of the streets we've ever lived on, all of the important dates in our lives, the places we've been in the world, and the funny sayings that we say. And so people come into our house and look at it.
47:58
Mara Kamat
And for me, I sit there at the breakfast table and I think about how far we've come in our lives, but also, like, making sure that we. It's a reminder to take the time to enjoy all the moments as my daughters are growing up and as our life alone evolves through those chapters. So I really appreciate your passion for it and equally share it. And if anybody comes into my home, they know that about me as they look around.
48:26
Raquel Eatmon
Let me ask. I can't wait until this podcast is over to ask. I have to ask now, what's one of the sayings on there from the family?
48:33
Mara Kamat
So, a few things. One that we always say to the girls, and I'm not sure if I've said it on the podcast, but I probably have. Be smart, be kind, be confident. And that is, like, a value that we've always kind of led with in our family. So much so that my daughter has a pair of sneakers that she hasn't written on.
48:54
Raquel Eatmon
Oh, it's working.
48:55
Mara Kamat
She wears all the time. And she made the choice to put it on there. So that's one of the sayings that's near and dear to our heart. There are some other ones on there that are just kind of, like, funny. But there's also. There's a lot of sayings that I actually captured over the course of, like, 10 years that I felt were inspiring that I saw and heard. And so they're captured there in the fingerprint. So when you look at it's like a point of inspiration for my children. So one of them is like, do good in the world because that's like, a value that we hold close within our family. I'm trying to think of, like, there's so many in there and so many that are meaningful, but those two kind of stand out to me as being important in this moment.
49:46
Mara Kamat
There's also things on there that are supposed to garner inspiration and also recognize that, like, failure is okay. It's a learning experience, and it's all about how we see the world and come back from that. And so there's a lot in that fingerprint that talks about looking at our failures as learning experiences and moments of growth.
50:10
Raquel Eatmon
I love that. I'm inspired by it.
50:12
Mara Kamat
You can come over and see it anytime you'd be.
50:14
Raquel Eatmon
I'd love to. Love to. Thank you.
50:16
Carrie Aguilar
This was wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing with us this part of your journey and also your findings and sharing how women can apply them to their lives. Before we wrap up, can you share with our listeners what's the best way for listeners to get in touch with each other?
50:33
Raquel Eatmon
Oh, absolutely. So my website, raqueleatman.com, r A Q U E L E A T M O N that is the best way. I'm somewhat active on LinkedIn too, and I'd love to connect and continue the conversation.
50:48
Carrie Aguilar
Sounds wonderful.
50:50
Mara Kamat
Thank you again for joining us. It's such a pleasure to get to know you and I personally really enjoyed this whole concept of never next and now. And look forward to thinking about how I apply that to my own life and how we all continue to share that concept with the world.
